That means getting help for yourself and your son separately. 1. She needs tampons at school and was too nervouse to ask the front office so I drop everythnig to go help her. He is in independent studies, however, I find it very difficult to do his work, he still lacks motivation. Give them the time they need to get past this. I am trying to be understanding and support him but feel like he abandoned me. As far as your son hating his job, thats completely normal. It hurts so bad, more so because of my depression. I wanted to send him to teen-challenge its residential program for a year but I dont know how he will do since he has that disorder? He should be able to take a train ride by himself. They need to know what happened and that its not their fault. So. I honestly am clueless why this happened and do not know how to handle my 16yo daugher, she says the cruelest things to me and treats me horribly. He had been getting very rude to me and sometimes wonder if it was Gods way of protecting me from it and now he is treating his dad the same way. He said i did no parenting because I was not home when he got home from school. No longer parent/child relationship. Thats not what teens want or need at this point in their lives. A delicious drink. If he continues to buck the system, in a calm loving way, ask him if hes ok paying for the tuition money in the event you guys miss the deadline. Sending you the courage you need to get you through this. I felt my life meant so little to the person I loved the most. 
This way we dont extract joy out of anyone else. that make kids change, or even think its funny to hurt us. We should pick our battles carefully. Susan, boy do I know how you feel. Her future awaits and yet whats going to happen, I have no clue. Knowing this before we get pregnant is crucial. Shall I stay strong in this case? She joined the military at 17 so she didnt have to go to college. You must trust that there is a Father in heaven that loves you and your son, and even your sons father. They have a son 12 a daughter 9 and another son 3. I cannot cope with my teenage son. At any rate, after 3 1/2 months of my son living with my dad and my sister, I did have to ask him to make a choice he is only 16, and although he was expelled from high school, there are still mandatory attendance laws. So, regarding your move, please make sure its somewhere that is best for you. She is on the verge of failing her senior year. You can agree with him that its not fair, but everyone has to do it. In school they teach you a lesson and then give you a test. Do you love your job and what you are doing? And, her having a different perspective would make her a more rounded individual. 
Through our entire adult lives, we wrestle with hormones surging in our bodies, but after our teenage years we have developed enough to manage most of the residual emotions. Do not ride the roller coaster. Times have changed. He was vaping before the pandemic and then during the lockdown. As he does not want the illusion of a mom, he feels free to express his true feelings to me, and his feelings are all hate, hate, hate. We all want our children to WANT to see us. no room for misinterpretation. So glad to hear things are a little better these days. Most of all, let them learn their own lessons. What has helped me is I remind myself that these are just thoughts that I created. But you trying to extract joy from another person, only works for a short period before they get tired of you. 
Basically, we check in to see how they are doing to make sure everything is going smoothly. A year, though could I do that? She has never spoken to me again, wont respond to texts, blocked me on all social media. So, yeah, I know I need to get over him and allow him to grow and separate and all that, but the serious depression thing (his, and now mine) is kind of getting in the way of my acceptance since this isnt really a natural part of the maturation process. Take time for you, make yourself the priority now.. and of course know that your children will always be your children no matter how difficult the journey is. Yes, he has reasons to hate me. 
Also do some good things for yourself: exercise, cooking yourself good meals, outings, whatever makes you feel good. Couldnt keep a steady job and was homeless most of his life (when my parents would kick him out). Painful, but CAN NOT be taken personally. Your son loves you very much and wants you to find happiness beyond him. You could get a turtle or fish & tank, or any small animal or reptile. One accident I am involved in a lawsuit. Do NOT focus on what you will be getting in return. I am alone also to make all decisions. Or, the vicious cycle of struggles gets passed down generation after generation. Its okay for a little while..give some space however, I have found when my child goes silent, after some time has passed, I start talking to her. When he gets out on his own (in the real world), if he doesnt pay his bills, he will ruin his credit. Smile and do everything with intention. And I dont like her. Too many things its like, is this your thing? After two years she became a human again. I hope the answer is no. He suggested that I should find my own life purpose. I have no idea what your Dad is dealing with but its obviously taking a toll on him and everyone around him. Assure him that you will be there for him along the way. Your other daughter seems to be more compliant to accommodating all your needs. And really care what they say. That is WAY easier said than done. Heck, most adults cant control their emotions and STILL lash out like a teenager. I tried to provide for him more opportunities and more quality time than I had growing up. I cant wait until they arent in my house anymore. You also dont want him hiding things from your sister because he knows she will blab it to you. He had more money and resources and took them away. Those estranged kids point to things their parents said or things their parents did not do for them that are similar to our situation. Try this exercise: Ask her if you could schedule 15 minutes (today or tomorrow) with just you and her (no devices) in a spot she chooses (she must be comfortable) so you can ask her a couple of questions that will help you support her better. Medication prolongs the process & progress. Watching many others go through the hurt, sometimes they turn it around and sometimes they dont. And so on. I promise you, others will, too. If its a social issue, maybe you can see whats going on and determine how to proceed. So i got her the tee shirt and pair of white,adult size rubberpants and she wore them for the day,but wasnt happy about it.I told her that the R.E.D.told me that she should wear the tee shirt and rubberpants and she told me that i didnt have to go along with it,and that she felt weird having them on under her dress.Since then she has been aloof and not talking to meas much as she did before. Or, end up throwing money out the window. Or, you can continue to do the same thing and get the same results. And through all this, no matter how bad things got, I never once doubted my sons love for me. I would suggest that you and your son (together) search the schools website for the formal Withdrawal process. You have a lot to offer this world. Theres a 2 year relationship here that you have to consider and respect. Copyright 2015 GoodTherapy.org. We are the creators children. This guilt is our issue and shouldnt hold our kids back from doing what is supposed to happen. Your teen may rail against you, but dont give up! Just wished I could pack up and leave forever, never to have to fight so hard for my teens well being by myself. Nothing like wearing a big bulky pad to help you remember to ALWAYS carry a spare tampon in your locker. I cry almost every day and night and wonder what my purpose is for living. I deserve to be treated as I treat them, with kind words and care. I too, know the experience of her coming to my room when Im asleep, out of the blue saying: I know what I want to do for my birthday. Our misery is all self inflicted. She has explained some grievances she has, mainly that we live in the country so she cant walk to shops or friends houses, we have given her a lot less money than her school friends, and we are validating her feelings and trying to find compromises. Meet regularly to make sure things are still good, if not, go back to the list of options. He lost his power abd control. Get a part time job that you love or volunteer doing something that makes you happy. It really makes you want to give up, and it makes you wonder what is point of any of it, of life even. This is not your fault. I followed up listing all her strengths that I loved about her. An Open Letter to My Teenage Son " is a spoken-word song performed by American WMAX radio newscaster Victor Lundberg. If he is giving you lip, ask him if he thinks its fair to stick you with a financial debt caused by him. Cheers :). Tears are running down my face just reading your story. a letter to my teenage son who hates me. I know you are VERY busy right now so dont stress too much. We all need to be there for our children when they need us NOT when we need them. One of the best things I did was go back to school. No matter how wonderful you think you are, if no one else thinks your wonderful, you have failed and wasted this life. Our children dont owe us anything. I certainly did with my mother. The difference is, he lives in hope that all he has to do is turn 18 and then he can be free of me and instantly become happy (which isnt too likely, since I think if he took 2 seconds to think it over, hed realize hes got other problems which have nothing to do with me and would not be any better once he gained his freedom), whereas Icant envision ever regaining my own happiness. He goes out every day sometimes not returning until a day or two later, sometimes covered in bruises, cuts and his clothes all torn. Introduce a morning juice as part of starting the day. They say that you are what you eat, because you are what you eat. You are LOVE! May the Lord have mercy on our souls. The idea is to have a calm, loving, engaging conversation. You love your teen because they were once your baby, and even though they can seem cold, moody, and sometimes downright mean, your teenloves you underneath it all and they do NEED you. Teenagers shut down when parents lose it. It happened almost overnight. Regarding the cuddles and not liking to be touched is probably because she feels like you still think shes a child or she feel smothered by you. Its like a mental disease. Dear Mother Goose, This is just two people, completely miserable, and each blaming the other. I also, as soon as he moved back, arranged to move to a new house, a bigger one, and one I let him choose. The pain I feel is unlike anything I was prepared for. I represent the reminder of who he still is or could be, and he cant stand being reminded. I always look to God first anytime I am faced with a situation that I do not know how to handle but as we know the God plan often takes some time and I needed to hear something now. Adults also act with rash behavior because they are unable to work through their emotions. We need to find a way to help him in the way he needs to be helped. This has made the world of difference. These are critical to your resolving your issues and rebuilding your relationship. 
It is not some personalized project. PS: I will gladly offer your daughter a loving, accepting place to live. My husband is 3,000 miles away from me right now. Faith helps if you have that. As a parent, that should be your ultimate goal!!!! Most money he spent was for books, courses and trainings. Anyway, I wish you luck with your own journey with your son, but at this point it looks like hes left the door wide open for the two of you to have a fantastic relationship in a few years as long as he sees that youve respected the advice hes offering you to give him his autonomy and to find your own way. Entering adulthood, its no longer about them. isha.sadhguru.org/us/en/wisdom/article/becoming-free-karmic-structure. Meet new people and get involved in your community. Their mom tells them I am the anti-christ. Like the author mentioned, I have been reduced to a sobbing mess so many times. Its best to enter a relationship trying to enhance the other persons life vs having a list of expectations they are expected to meet. Director told me that to be more like the little girls that she should wear a tee shirt and plastic pants[rubberpants] under her dress just like the little girls wear under their dresses. Your teen has to agree on the solution. Go away today. Realize, your child doesnt really owe you anything. Go figure. At least they are kind to pretty much anyone who is not me, but still. Or reading the news for now. That being said, every time hes got something new to share or is scared at Halloween or something, hell automatically come to me first. So to get it out of them will take much work on your part as the parent. Our teens want to be treated like adults but dont really know how much is involved with being an adult. I took him to see one a few times, I spoke to a different therapist myself another time, andyou know, talk therapy really does not work for everyone. No matter what you think she deserves. If he absolutely does not want to go to college, you both should work on a plan B. Coincidentally, this gives us plenty of time to figure out what WE are going to do with the 2nd half of our lives. This phase is but a season that we will hopefully laugh about one day. I have a 15-year-old daughter, who was growing up as a reasonably happy child. So I exacerbated the problem by trying to make up for my stupid years by refocusing on him 100% at a time when he least desired this. Maybe some lessons or you put some time aside to dance like no one is watching. When you are better equipped to handle life, then you can be there for them. They realize you are no longer living to serve them. Get out of the house. Get outside and take a walk. He took the stuff out of our hands and threw it in the dumpster and kicked us out. Actually, every single one of us asked to be born, including you. I had to reinvent myself with no husband, no parents, no job, no place to live and no daughter. And we can also stand together in this forum. According to him, hes never loved me, never known a moments happiness, all he feels for me is pity and also a whole lot of loathing. You might want to try and send him cards saying your thinking about him, youre proud of him and list the things that make you proud, youre here if he needs you and you love him. We need good communication and work out solution as a team. In the beginning was the word. Follow up letting him know you are looking into other options. When she is a little older she will see these things differently. A mothers love is unforgiving however, the verbal abuse that my teens display can really start to stretch that bond. Hang in there and do the work on yourself. My heart has never been so broken and he can be so coldI never dreamed a child that use to cry when I left the room could walk away by the time he turned 15 like he never had such a close relationship. We tend to cling to our children, so we dont have to find our own lives. Great, guess hes got custody of my youth as well. I do strongly agree with you about money issue. It most certainly CAN be a source of joy, but thats usually a little later in life. You see my son is in drug rehab, his wife really could have used it also. Explain to him in a loving manner that this is a real life lesson, not a punishment. I love her to pieces but dont particularly like her right now. I have a disability and still hold down a full time job, have a house and have brought my girls up with no family or ex partners. Unfortunately, you cant tell another human that its their job to fulfill all your needs. Tonight my daughter told me that everyone agrees that being around me is bad for her mental health. Heres another word for you..Patience! I did this with my teen (16 at the time) and she picked up a 2nd job and paid faithfully every month. Yes I know that feeling. And I have told her this. Remind him that you are his cheerleader and his biggest fan. Be grateful and thank her for helping you be a better parent. She asked me why I was so upset. Its ok to admit when we are wrong. My daughter wouldnt tell me what she wanted or what I was doing wrong. Have him document the date of each payment in a notebook and keep track of his loan payments to you and his balance. I was barely surviving myself for so many of those years. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. Maybe a friend of your loved one might be able to help? Many lack the ability to think far ahead and weigh all the consequences of their choices. Jealousy. Let your teen get it all out until they feel they have accepted your apology and can move on from this. Which, in turn will inspire others. I know you can do this! Solaceraya, I have given up. Thats one of the hardest parts. And I will never forget. Neither could we tell her we loved her or show any affection. You just have to let go and find your next purpose. In order to die, you must have lived. And that you are worried about him because you love him. I have seen some improvements in my sons behavior in some situations. Let them discount the idea based on the questions you are asking and the answers they comes up with. Thats how its supposed to be. Im hoping the next 4 years goes quickly for you both. People dont withdraw for no reason. You have done the very best thing for your son by taking him to a safe place with people you trust, and this may be what he needs. Thats really stressful for a mother. And no, I dont believe being a good parent gives you a guarantee they will love you back. It needs to start with us. Meanwhile, I think I must stick to my principles in this matter. 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