Maybe I'd seen it before, and that's where I got the idea. (Like alternate dimensions and stuff) So, there is a world where you are the creator of this Longest Text Ever. While studying at Johns Hopkins University, Barth found himself writing about his native Eastern Shore Maryland in a pastiche style of middle Faulkner and late Joyce. He may have won some praise from a visiting young William Styron, but the finished opus didnt flyfor one thing, because Faulkner intimately knewhis Snopses and Compsons and Sartorises, as I did not know my made-up denizens of the Maryland marsh. The advice to write only what you know may not be worth much as a universal commandment. Once I got this computer, I decided to do something similar on my beloved site. So, that leads us to the evil paranoid conspiracy I thought of the other night. That's not fair! Then the problem with obesity in America would be blamed on evil food truck drivers as opposed to the harmless, benificient television and computer. You have to admit its sheer coolness. We slept. Well, seeya *waves brightly* I got to go to my Grendel (really cool book) project for school. And so, I'll take a trip down memory lane, to the dark depths of the past, to when I decided to make this page. Then, in an inspired move, my brother talked my mother into letting him sit up front. I don't know if Iraq even existed in the Civil War Era! Today, in my (Honors) English class, we did group work. CHEESE!!! My sister. You're shocked at my selfish, bad, memory. I know, I'll start of list of why it's fun/good to be insane/weird! Too Bad! Okay. I only mention this 'cause I've accidently spelled constipation instead of conspiracy a few times. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. The only reason the makers of Cheese-Nips don't get sued is because of the tast difference and Cheese Nips are made of real "cheese" rather than cheez. Think about that old saying about "If you gave an infinite number of monkeys an infinite number of typewriters, eventually they would reproduce the entire works of Shakespear". There are now longer sentences in English writing. ME: Yeah, but I told her that she'd be a terible ruler. We eventually reached our destination after 16 hours of virtually non-stop driving. But somewhere, it exists. I was alerted to this growing problem in our world community by (Kat, the ruler of all that is almondy)and it greatly concerns me. It feels unstoppable, and then it stops. Right now, I'm just typing so that no one can say that I've been slacking off. *sniffle* Why must this be? Below is an example of a reply email stating that you have received the email. THANKS FOR COMING! It's spiffy. "Traditionally, the longest sentence in English Literature has been said to be a sentence in Ullyses by James Joyce, which clocks in at 4,391 words. I highly recommend you see the movie yourself. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. As long as I'm happy, right. First of all, you'd have to have an extrodinary amount of free time. It doesn't matter. That's why I like fast-food salt. There was a sample essay online. OH, DON'T YOU SEE THE TOENAILS?!! The single greatest invention of the computer gods. Make your wife happy by sending her any of these romantic long paragraphs here. Today I added an update page, which is basically a less chaotic, outlined version of this without all the ranting. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. I accidently cut it with scizzors. aSk anybody. Did it make more sense that this text? I'm back. 51 min ago My family also strongly suspects that she stole $20 from the donation thingy. I suppose I could let someone else have the glory. If that happens, then no one will read this. The height is regained at night, when you're laying down. You're still here. Just exactly like Father if Father had known as much about it the night before I went out there as he did the day after I came back thinking Mad impotent old man who realized at last that there must be some limit even to the capabilities of a demon for doing harm, who must have seen his situation as that of the show girl, the pony, who realizes that the principal tune she prances to comes not from horn and fiddle and drum but from a clock and calendar, must have seen himself as the old wornout cannon which realizes that it can deliver just one more fierce shot and crumble to dust in its own furious blast and recoil, who looked about upon the scene which was still within his scope and compass and saw son gone, vanished, more insuperable to him now than if the son were dead since now (if the son still lived) his name would be different and those to call him by it strangers and whatever dragons outcropping of Sutpen blood the son might sow on the body of whatever strange woman would therefore carry on the tradition, accomplish the hereditary evil and harm under another name and upon and among people who will never have heard the right one; daughter doomed to spinsterhood who had chosen spinsterhood already before there was anyone named Charles Bon since the aunt who came to succor her in bereavement and sorrow found neither but instead that calm absolutely impenetrable face between a homespun dress and sunbonnet seen before a closed door and again in a cloudy swirl of chickens while Jones was building the coffin and which she wore during the next year while the aunt lived there and the three women wove their own garments and raised their own food and cut the wood they cooked it with (excusing what help they had from Jones who lived with his granddaughter in the abandoned fishing camp with its collapsing roof and rotting porch against which the rusty scythe which Sutpen was to lend him, make him borrow to cut away the weeds from the door-and at last forced him to use though not to cut weeds, at least not vegetable weeds -would lean for two years) and wore still after the aunts indignation had swept her back to town to live on stolen garden truck and out o f anonymous baskets left on her front steps at night, the three of them, the two daughters negro and white and the aunt twelve miles away watching from her distance as the two daughters watched from theirs the old demon, the ancient varicose and despairing Faustus fling his final main now with the Creditors hand already on his shoulder, running his little country store now for his bread and meat, haggling tediously over nickels and dimes with rapacious and poverty-stricken whites and negroes, who at one time could have galloped for ten miles in any direction without crossing his own boundary, using out of his meagre stock the cheap ribbons and beads and the stale violently-colored candy with which even an old man can seduce a fifteen-year-old country girl, to ruin the granddaughter o f his partner, this Jones-this gangling malaria-ridden white man whom he had given permission fourteen years ago to squat in the abandoned fishing camp with the year-old grandchild-Jones, partner porter and clerk who at the demons command removed with his own hand (and maybe delivered too) from the showcase the candy beads and ribbons, measured the very cloth from which Judith (who had not been bereaved and did not mourn) helped the granddaughter to fashion a dress to walk past the lounging men in, the side-looking and the tongues, until her increasing belly taught her embarrassment-or perhaps fear;-Jones who before 61 had not even been allowed to approach the front of the house and who during the next four years got no nearer than the kitchen door and that only when he brought the game and fish and vegetables on which the seducer-to-bes wife and daughter (and Clytie too, the one remaining servant, negro, the one who would forbid him to pass the kitchen door with what he brought) depended on to keep life in them, but who now entered the house itself on the (quite frequent now) afternoons when the demon would suddenly curse the store empty of customers and lock the door and repair to the rear and in the same tone in which he used to address his orderly or even his house servants when he had them (and in which he doubtless ordered Jones to fetch from the showcase the ribbons and beads and candy) direct Jones to fetch the jug, the two of them (and Jones even sitting now who in the old days, the old dead Sunday afternoons of monotonous peace which they spent beneath the scuppernong arbor in the back yard, the demon lying in the hammock while Jones squatted against a post, rising from time to time to pour for the demon from the demijohn and the bucket of spring water which he had fetched from the spring more than a mile away then squatting again, chortling and chuckling and saying `Sho, Mister Tawm each time the demon paused)-the two of them drinking turn and turn about from the jug and the demon not lying down now nor even sitting but reaching after the third or second drink that old mans state of impotent and furious undefeat in which he would rise, swaying and plunging and shouting for his horse and pistols to ride single-handed into Washington and shoot Lincoln (a year or so too late here) and Sherman both, shouting, Kill them! You didn't run screaming to another site, thankfull for the chance to escape this insanity. Each Friday, I wait (all tingly with anticipation) for the weekend so that I can stay up 'till the wee hours of the morning and sleep past noon. At least her's makes sensesort of. Wellprepare to be enlightened. I know, unlikely, huh? I'm finnaly back! In the mean time, I'll just sit here and type with my eyes closed. Time for another boring disclaimer!!!!!!! SEEYA! Because I am easily amused and have lots and lots of time on my hands. He ignored the fact that he was also a 72 year old "sanitation engineer" somewhere. WANNA SEE ME PULL A TAPEWORM OUTTA MY ****!! And absolutly NO air-pressure. I didn't know that they had such good technology back then. I don't think. Plus, I am horrible at spelling. It doesn't. That's right, folks. (Think of the fake-looking Star Trek aliens). You knowI enjoy having these conversations with you. OF FREAKIN' COURSE IT WAS FREE! The six longest sentences (1,000+ words) are mostly a curiosity, just to see what is possible. Wouldn't pure water TASTE pure, and impure water TASTE impure? NowI bet you're wondering why I don't just wake up a few minutes before I have to go. > You have blue hari..*gigles* I like hair. You say it didn't let you out? I don't care if I have to ride the bus home if I stop work. I don't want to play the stupid animal war card game 'cause the stupdi bear gets eaten by an eaagle.. goodbye ssslllee0yyyyslllllllleeeeeeeepppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyy iiiiiiiiissssssssssssss gggggggggoooooooooooooddddddddddddd. As you can see, I was in a very interesting state of mind. The universe is EVERYTHING, how can it end? Strange, huh? If they're anything like my sister, I'm movin' to Canada. After all, look how long this text is. But, the wings were'nt really special. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! Gambling is so much fun! *there's that darn cricket again* And I have a genuine question to ask all of my loyal readers *cough-cough* Okay, here it is: Is it normal for a non-gender specific sibling to carry around various dead reptiles (snakes, turtles, lizards etc.) if you like our Facebook fanpage, you'll receive more articles like the one you just read! The huge run-on sentence consists of 1,288 words and countless clauses. Then, when it's in German, or whatever, translate it back to English. Alrighty then. I's can get to my site again! HOW ARE YOU DOING? They may go to a resteraunt with an arcarde, or the movies or to a theme park. Why, because they assume it's better quality. I forgot it's name. HOW, I ask you!? For that matter, how do you know that ANYTHING but you exists! I'm already half way there, since I conclusivly proved (in Physics class) that gravity actually causes things to slow down and EVENTUALLY GO UP! Josh says I probably won't remember writing any of this, but I can't sleep. And so, in the interest of wasting even more time, I made a list. Sometimes I just do this, you know? *normal voice* Today I have a very important to discuss with you in this: PERFECTLY NORMAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCMENT. Whole families would gather around their front door, in breathless anticipation while they attempted to barracade me out. How did Faulkner pull it off? is a question many a fledgling writer has asked themselves while struggling through a period of apprenticeship like that novelist John Barth describes in his 1999 talk My Faulkner. Barthreorchestrated his literary heroes, he says, in search of my writerly selfdownloading my innumerable predecessors as only an insatiable green apprentice can. Surely a great many writers can relate when Barth says, it was Faulkner at his most involuted and incantatory who most enchanted me. For many a writer, the Faulknerian sentence is an irresistible labyrinth. A complete and total degregation of our societies values. Past editions of The Guinness Book of World Records have listed this record. Now I'm back again. Are you tired. I got to go to a huge library, and see Terminator 3 at the local theater. That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! TWO MILES? Maybe they're here right now! You could be floating out in empty space, conjuring nice little fantasies to relieve the monotony of being the only living being! BYE!!! This entry went from saluting the PSOA to making a statement about my ideals. Did you know, that Kodak was part of the conspiracy to assasinate John F. Kennedy. This has been a weird day. And, you have to remember that because infinity is infinite, you can divide it an infinite number of times. When you look at them they are identical to the evil little Cheez-Its. :) Seeya! Oh, and when my sister had to go to the bathroom very badly during a traffic jam, my mother had the good taste to making hissing/water noises to make my sister's problem worse. There are not going to be conspiraciesor humor of any kind. or possibly "Who or What is Kodak". I bet you were just breathless in anticipation. He can deactivate the machines, (squidies) but at great personal cost. It's stupid and ironic and just shouldn't exist in a better world. I mean, don't you think the creators of Cheese-Nips had a box of Cheez-Its out when they were designing their product? There are not enough words in the English language to describe the sheer coolness of the fight choreography, special effects and the plot. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! You'd have to be an absolute loser (or really bored) to come here. You could travel in a straight line at the speed of light for a million years and all you'd prove is that the universe is really, really big. I also would like such persons to immediatly leave my site. If this was quality work, I'd publish it and make a fortune. Oooo! It only takes a little light to help those thingies, and smoke detectors provide more than a little. (*%$ WHAT THE %$#@ WAS MY MOTHER $#$#%$# THINKING!!!!!!!???? EVIIIIIIIIIIIIL!!!!!! Stay tuned to hear my thoughts on tanning, and an evil card game, and who knows what elseOkay I'm back. (To this day, however, I will almost literally kill for a box of Cheez-It party mix, as it is a rare commodity at my house.) Or maybe not. So he probably didn't see the majority of my site. I'm back! Please find all options here. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Waitaren't I already doing that? I previous time when I was studying with her (American Revolution, this time) I was trying to help her remember the difference between the Patriots(Patriotic to America) and the Loyalists (Loyal to Britain) She didn't know what the word patriotic meant. Outside your body. That's funny!!!! about my site, and called me weird. Login Sign up. No? Or possibly a really good president who wanted to fly to the moon. Just like all those reports people have to do. The possibilities are literally endless. Immediatly, my mother started complaining. Now, I'm not speaking from personal experience here. Does the commercial take that into account? The little counter at the bottom keeps going up? One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. The reason I have to get up at 6 something is that III ride the bus to school. this is not a long paragraph it is multiple, I am just not as pretty as my friend Haylee she is fab so give me a chance for this job. I few months ago I saw a movie about that. After all, I'm talking to you, aren't I? Anyway, yeah, I'm a furry, but since I'm a young furry, I can't really do as much as I would like to do in the fandom. That made little sense. Hey, where are you going?! Which means that there are an infinite number of worlds with humanoid life. Founder @ World's Best Story amplifier of creativity & fun! MOOOO! I've spent the past three years of my life EXPECTING each semester to be like a mini-year. Or have I been doing that too much lately? I don't want year-round classes. Sure, some of this "fasion" stuff is cool and all, but all it shows is that you had the three and three-quarters brain cells required to copy someone else's "look". Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. Where is the logic in this? Keep pressing it. Thank-you for your time. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta goseeya later! We were supposed to write about a cherished child-hood toy, and attempt to turn our fond memories into a commercial. Apparantly Grape Pie isn't mainstream, but it has existed for some time. Subliminal messanging also explains the successes of certain fast-food resteraunts, and brand name items. Some of my pages have stuff written in to make search engines recognize me, but it doesn't seem to be working. Don't worry, I'll go to bed soon. This is too frustrating. If not, then some day, when the Internet is down and I'm really bored, I will construct a model OFCR and attempt to launch it. Plus, the kids at the daycare (where I work, obviously) say that I'm "cool to talk to". Okay, better leave. Was it coherent? I can clone myself and form and angry mob? Another reason why this isn't as long as Galaxy's is that I refuse to write every day as it would--this is the funny part--LOWER THE QUALITY OF MY OVERALL WORK! owfrjtnrgkzcbvwruogjlvdajngwruojlnvdakjefnlvk aij hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, jfeoisbhoaubhfvionadkfvbskjvb efnvkjnbsxuhbgv hiiiii, this has one word in it first person to see the gets $100 cash app njhcewhfb whebfuewhfjwenifbewiubfiebfebwqjfbwejnfewihfiuhweniufjeuirhfiuerfburiebfiewbjfkwefqhcewfhepwuhfiuwerfuiwqerpifjbruegferiuhfiuerwhfuiifewiviiuhuihrgiobguhtrbiuhtreiubhriurhviuwrhiuvht4rnrijpewvpiefhwnovjibrfpierfnhvipuerbfviuphrwipjvnwefkjvnpwiefv pirfnhpiejpoerwpivherwpoivhwepriuvipr evijnreijnrojvwejrfvoijerreiobfr iuvfrvjo frvjrweoijbvweiojrfoiwervicebrwouvbwerouvu perivoerijvoiuwerbviouweroiuberouvberfoefubvouiwriuebrouweuberwiuvherivyherwiubvewiurobviuwervuwervouwrewoiuvherwiuoeHIewijvhferiucbuhewjdhfewiufdhiu3riuheriufheriuhfiuerhfiuhwreiufhirwhiufhwiurhfiuhreiuhfiuheriwfhriehfiuerwhufihreuifheirhfiuwheruifherwoiuwfheruhwifhreiuhwoiuhfuerhfhwruifhriuehfueri. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. In obscure cookbooks. Proud to be weird. With a specific number of words. Sign Up , it unlocks many cool features! I can work with mistrust. So, fellow conspiracy nuts: Take down the evil governmental safety device and take it apart. You don't know either? I must really be desperate for something to do. Naturally when it was announced that we'd be eating dinner in this place, I could hardly contain my excitment(I glared at my mother and asked why we couldn't go to Pizza Hut) When we arrived, we were promptly served (after thirty minutes) In the meantime, we played a family game of pool(my parents played while my brother and sister and I watched) After two rousing rounds, our food came. The current record holder for the longest english sentence is Jonathan Coe for his staggering 33-page, 13,955-word sentence in The Rotter's Club, 2001. And, if you call within the next ten minutes you get a free eight ball with the one you buy! Yeah, this doesn't mean anything to you. I hadn't had a genuine sugar rush since I was 11. But, my stupid internal alarm clock is starting to wake me up around six. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. For an ENTIRE MONTH I have possesed the arcane knowledge, but I forgot to share it with you, my loyal potentially imaginary reader. To make up quotes from the non-existent Flaming Chicken Handbook, which Im sure you have a copy of. No? I worked sorta hard on this. The smoke detector either never went off, or went off and the people just slept through it. Maybe the evil little faeries with the sharp little teeth have put their evil faerie dust on my computer. And don't even get me started on earrings. That makes complete and total sense! "[4], Last edited on 15 February 2023, at 20:26, An Accommodating Advertisement and an Awkward Accident, "Toward a Connectionist Model of Recursion in Human Linguistic Performance", Quartz: "One of this years Booker Prize nominees is just a 1,000-page-long sentence" 26 July, 2019, "For Passover, wacky Haggadahs feature zombies, Mrs. Maisel, President Trump, more", "This Book Is the Longest Sentence Ever Written and Then Published", "Review: This Book Is The Longest Sentence Ever Written And Then Published by Dave Cowen", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Longest_English_sentence&oldid=1139572984, This page was last edited on 15 February 2023, at 20:26. With our patented "spray". The basic moral belief that Polar bears should be WHITE. But then I listened to some of the new music I put on my site and mellowed out. Of course, you won't want to do that becuase you still need more earrings so people won't think you wear the same ones over and over again. I came up with this philosophy when I was in fifth grade. I can't really work on this site even though I now have a more in depth understanding of variables. It takes patience to read, but once you get into the rhythm, its like delving into Faulkners stream of consciousness. *enter Squirell* What's that, little Squirell? I'm going, you're on you're own! It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! It's an outrage! This highly experimental and abstract piece was published in a series of volumes beginning in 2007, with the final 19 volumes being published in 2008. To pour your heart and soul into a passage, and have everyone ignore it. I mean, I KNOW people are coming hereI have proof! Work. And almost never finish. There ARE aliens. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Image by Carl Van Vechten, via Wikimedia Commons. Come on, I won't hurt you, I promise! Now MY brain meats feel explody. An enemy so terrifying that Moose cannot stop shaking. He snuck up on me one day in our room (in the game) with a sword! And throughly pissed off at my school system in general. Today I had the misfortune of playing a Treasure Planet game on neopets.com It was terrible. Oh, guess what? It is now my civic duty to discover this ancient mystery, and reveal it to the uncaring world. I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE! Yes, it goes on and on my friend. Today's lesson is: subliminal messages . It's a cheap shot." Especially since I don't have viewers. I've finnally figured out sorta, maybe, kinda, how to do stuff to make it more real. They expand your mind, making you think about all the things they could do. But now I realize that I am considerably more normal than the rest of my family. Scratch number seven. Unfortunalty, several of those reasons LEGITAMITLY apply to a certain activity I do every Tuesday, which WILL NOT BE NAMED HERE LEST I GIVE IT POWER OVER ME! consisting of 1,288 words and who knows how many different kinds of clauses. So far this is nowhere near the world record. And the lady representing them, calls the radio stationon a phone. Wait a minuteso you're saying that I'm talking and responding to you, but you won't be reading this until long after I have finished typing? That's why. Oooootime for today's topic. I see your EVIL plot now, Hypothetical Reader! As Neo realizes all of this, through a nearly omniscient Architect of the Matrix, he makes another choice. Why else would they invest all that money to show commercials in their own store? Read that onetime longest sentence in literature, all 1,288 words of it, below. But that is irrelevant. Right now, my spacebar is malfunctioningthat's not goodI have to press it two or three times just to insert a freaking space. Now, in today's society of buying groceries on-line and getting them delivered, why hasn't any other food industry marketed this ingenius idea to bring the product to the consumer. With the exact same words, motions and emotions. Then you'll need an "extra" pairfor special occasions. We had to do an essay on a book. Behind the Scenes: How the British Library Digitizes One of the Worlds Biggest Books, View Leonardo Da Vincis Notebooks Online and Go Inside the Mind of a Genius, Library Places 1,600+ Occult Books Online With Help From The Da Vinci Code Author, 20+ Creative Gifts for People Who Love to Read. This naturally alarmed the HECK out of me! By Ben Lee. Should you refuse to aknowledge the Patron Saint of Paper Clips as the ruler of the Internet, you will be subjected to punishment as stated in Code 343 of the Flaming Chicken Handbook (i.e. I have once again caused that explody sensation in your brain meats! It was as if it had been just sitting therewaiting for me to discover it. 44 min ago MY SPINE IS SQUISHY! I realize that this longest text ever must be very boring and not worth anyone's time. I worked for four hours at the "Library of Terror" sponsered by TAB. Remember, e-mail psopc@flaming-chickens.com the much needed suppliesif that is possible. I can even see the shadow of my hand on the wall from the light those things shed. Is it possible to make less sense? That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! It's a small light, but it's sooooooo annoying. Physics is so FREAKIN' hard! Won't that be fun? That's right, I wanna sleep. Think about it. But they really were'nt buffoal wings 'cause buffalo's don't have wingscause they come off when they are babies, JOsh says so and he must be right causse he's been having Profound Thoughts even though he cannot remember them.